Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
