I seem to have left my pride at pride
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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