I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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