You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
