i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
