I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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