Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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