guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
