the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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