are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
