Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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