sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
