just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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