Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
