Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
