So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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