Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
