I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
