ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
