I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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