dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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