I'd wear matching sweaters with you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
