yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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