they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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