You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
