Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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