also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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