It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
