im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
