My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
