You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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