I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
