Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The ass gains better be worth it
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