You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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