Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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