Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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