But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
