Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she smelled like a LAN party
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
