does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
