I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
