and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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