Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
