so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
