Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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