I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
