I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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