Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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