I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
