Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't put those talents on a resume
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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