I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
